It’s me again. I know you find that hard to believe, but it’s true. I am once again going through some hard times and I have found that I have gotten myself in somewhat of a mess. I have tried to be faithful to you and come to you in times of need, but it seems that sometimes life has gotten the best of me and I have once again put you in the “Time Out” corner while I tried to handle things. I didn’t even realize that I had done that until today when we began school. My first clue should have been when we walked into the schoolroom and it was a disaster and book and papers were everywhere, making it impossible to even think about doing school. But I took it upon myself to begin anyway. Needless to say, we didn’t get very far. We could hardly find the desks to do work and then it seems as though the girls have some kind of sickness that has clogged up their ears, therefore, impairing their ability to learn anything. But I continued with digilence , trying to make things turn around. Then we encountered another problem, it took two hours for a math test to be completed. Let me rephrase that, two hours for a math test to be attempted to be completed. It never was. Then I was faced with the ever pressing question of, “What’s for lunch?” Lunch? We haven’t even completed one subject yet.
Lord, I have such a desire to teach our children at home in a way that would be pleasing to you, but I just can’t seem to do it. I don’t understand what I am doing wrong. What? What is that you just said? I didn’t put you first? Of course I did. I distinctly remember praying this morning that you would lead us today and help us to do you will. Right? Then I hear you say, yes, but in your heart you didn’t really mean it. They were just words that came out of you mouth.
Can this be true? Am I just saying things to the Lord? Words with no meanings? Yep. I sure am. Don’t get me wrong, when I say them I truly believe they are coming from my heart, but in actuality they are just words of what I want the Lord to do for me.
So Lord, I pray that you will speak to my heart and help me as only you can.