It is so easy to say that you have faith in the Lord and you are willing to let him take charge of your life. However in my life it seems that when it comes right down too it, I find myself wanting to take charge of things and over stepping the boundaries that the Lord has set. During this past month I have found myself saying I would do one thing and then doing another. All the while saying, “God, You are in control”. The truth is I never let the Lord take control over anything during that time. I never listened to what he was telling me. Dh kept telling me every day to just relax and have faith. I wish I could be more like my Dh.
Even when it comes to doing school. I can’t seem to let go of certain habits and do what I feel the Lord leading me to do. Why? I wish I knew. I keep pushing for a more structured education and He keeps leading me towards a more life learning style. I am striving for perfection with schedules, and He is telling me to just take it one second at a time. Yet again, I choose to go my way thinking that I know what is better for my children. Then I once again fall on my face and realize that I have made a mess of things, as usual. But even when I fail, or go my own way I always come back to the point where I went my own way and find the Lord waiting patiently on me. He is so forgiving.
I a very weak in my Christian faith. I will admit that. I seem to struggle with it daily. I try to surround myself with scripture, sermons and uplifting music ( I have even learned to play a hymn on the piano, but trust me, you wouldn’t want to listen ). But with all of that I still feel like I am so far from where I want or need to be. I keep praying that the Lord will send me a good Christian friend who understands what I am going through. Don’t worry Amanda, I haven’t forgotten about you! But for now I will continue to live vicariously through my computer and all of the wonderful people that has crossed my path online.