Lately it seems that things have gotten out of control around our home. I know that most of you think what I am going to say is normal, but it is driving me nuts. We have been doing a lot of remodeling in the past couple of weeks and our house is anything but clean. I had baskets of junk in the living room and bags of junk in the schoolroom. My buffet now holds tools instead of serving items. The kitchen table is grand central station, meaning that is where everything else gets put. I have an extreme obsession with putting things where they belong. No one else in this house does. I have severe OCD. After dinner I will put the dishes that no one is allowed to use back on the table, as well as a couple of candles and such. I make sure that all the placemats are equally spaced from the edge of the table and that all are centerd on each chair and that each chair is centered on the table and across from each other. I make sure that the apple basket goes in the middle of the table and must be centered. I then place two candles, one on each side of the basket and they have to be set on an angle. After all of this is done, dh thinks it funny to go over and move something. He knows that I will have to go back over to the table and move it back. I am constantly arranging all of the drawers in our house, making sure the pantry is arranged and that all of the books on the shelf in the schoolroom are grouped according to grade/subject, etc. I am so organized that my house is a disaster. I spend so much time cleaning that I never finish. One project always leads me to another.
On another note, I am struggling with the issue of becoming a better christian, wife, and mother. Lately I feel that I am failing in all three departments. I come from a family where my dad was very self sufficent as well as my mom. What I mean by that is that they could do so many things without help. Dh has ADD and sometimes that is difficult for me to handle. I tend to tell him what to do. I only want to help, but I think that I am only making the situation worse. I nitpick him to death. I want to stop doing that. I feel like I tend to take charge of things and that is not right. He is the head of this household, not me and I need to start respecting that. I feel like I have failed my children in teaching them, not just with school, but with christian values as well. I heard a song today that said “When I grow up I want to be like you”. Those words should have sounded sweet, but they were harsh. I don’t want my kids to grow up to be like me. I have my dad’s temper and little to no patience. I want to change all of that. We are going through an issue with our oldest right now on listening and doing what she is told. When you tell her to do something she always has to stop and say something to you, which is her way of trying to get out of it. When you tell the girls that they are cleaning the kitchen they always start arguing about who is going to wash what and who is going to dry. They never put things away. I guess this could be because of me. Yesterday I went to get a glass out of the cabinet and the glasses were not in the order that they should have been. So I said to everyone, I guess we are going to have to have another glass putting away class. I really need to relax and just go with the flow, but I can’t. My kids are growing up before my eyes and I am to busy straighting things up to see it.
I could go on forever on this, but I guess you are tired of reading. Have any of you ever felt this way? What did you do? I would like to find a good book that would maybe help, something that would go along with the Bible maybe. My family is too precious to me and I need to learn to be patient, calm, and a loving wife and mother.