Just rambling….

I often start my posts and then go back and give them a title.  I never know where my words are going to take me or what it is all going to mean when I first start writing.  I just let the words come out.  Sometimes it makes sense, sometimes it doesn’t.  But I think that the fact that I started blogging again is more for me than others.  I needed to get out some of these feelings that I am having.  I keep telling myself that even though I miss my husband that that is not really the reason I am feeling the way that I am.  But after talking to my dear friend last night and doing a lot of thinking today I have come to realize that is the reason I am feeling this way.  Sometimes I am angry at things, sometimes I am just plain sad.  Being separated from the one you love can put your emotions though an emotional whirlwind.  You never know from one minute to the next how you are going to feel or how you are going to react to something when it happens.  Sometimes you even do or say things that you really regret.  I know that we all tend to do that even if our spouse is not away from you, but if you have been/are in a situation like this you know exactly what I mean.  There are day when you feel like your life just simply can’t go on.  You feel like if you have to spend one more day alone you are going to die.  Then I try to remind myself of my husband and all of the other people who are deployed and how they feel.  They are lonely too.  It’s not just me.  So I have learned that I need to not only focus on how I am feeling, but also of how my husband is feeling.  I see our children daily.  He can’t.  I am able to get in the car and go where ever I want.  He can’t.  I can sleep in our own bed.  He can’t.  I can just walk into the kitchen and grab something out of the fridge anytime I want.  He can’t.

When you stop and think about things that way you tend to wonder how you could even be depressed at all.  He is the one who is going through hard times.  Not me.  I try daily to think about how much he means to me and that he is doing all of this for his family.  He loves us so much.  I have also learned( thanks again to my friend) that I souldn’t get upset when he does his best to pick out a gift for me.  Regardless of what it is.  He bought it for me.  He used his own sweet fingers to hunt and peck on his laptop to order something for me.  He thought of me.  I love him so very much.

Thanks Beth for keeping me straight.